


Something Real

by brodylover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confession, Heartbreak, Heaven, Hospital, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-03 13:59:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/699013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brodylover/pseuds/brodylover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've had a really bad week and now I wish one on you. So I listened to "Something Real" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcIAdjzaq0c) over and over while writing this. It's about Cas falling and the damage it does to his heart and what he does with his last few moments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Real

The angel had slipped, he had tripped, and now he was falling. It was so so far and so dark, his plummet, the Earth beneath him a harsh and cruel thing. He knew that, he had seen it, he had watched the world for centuries.

He had been disloyal to his race, his had disobeyed, he had doubted, and now he was being banished. Yet he still feared as the ground came rushing up to meet him. 

When the hunter had found him and carried him home, setting his bones as he slept, he felt so much. Even unconscious he could feel the pain of shattered bones, of torn out wings, of screaming muscles. Even unconscious he could feel Dean’s fingers intertwined in his own. 

It took over a week before Castiel woke up, blood in his eyes and pain tingling his nerves. His fingers clutched Dean’s in return as his back arched and he shuddered in the agony of mortality. Dean was there though, hushing him, wiping the tears and sweat from his face, stroking his hair, never letting go of him. 

Sam was smart, even though he wasn't a doctor, whenever he had a chance, when Dean had fallen asleep at Cas’s side, when he’d had to leave for the bathroom or to eat, Sam had checked up on him. He didn't have the heart to tell Dean what he had found, what it meant. He had googled all of Cas’s symptoms but he had no way of telling Dean. 

He could tell Cas though, and he did, when Dean was out of the room. There was too much damage from his fall, he would never heal completely. He would never leave Dean’s bed. And worse than that, his heart wasn't good. The fall had damaged it, or maybe Jimmy’s heart had never been good to begin with, but it was failing him now. It would be a few days, maybe weeks, but without the help of a doctor Cas would die. 

Dean saw the tears in the former angel’s eyes when he returned, a hearty and healthy meal on a tray he had found before him. He asked what was going on and Cas just wiped his eyes, telling Dean that it was just the pain, but he could get over that. Only then did Dean decide that Cas needed a hospital, that his skills in setting bones and bandaging cuts weren’t enough. Cas said no, he didn't want to cause anyone hardship, but he wouldn't listen, and Cas was too weak to fight him as he carried him out to the Impala. 

The doctors did nothing but confirm what Sam had discovered, but they didn't think he had as long. There was no way that they could save hi heart, not enough time to find him a new one and his body was too delicate for the surgery anyway.

He decided not to tell Dean. 

He wasted away in the hospital bed, hooked up to all sorts of machines. He hated the sounds of them. Dean still wouldn't leave him, wouldn't stop holding his hand in his own. Dean was never so affectionate, it made Cas uncomfortable. 

And at night, when Dean thought that he was asleep, he could hear the man crying. He wanted to stop it, wanted Dean to give up on him and be better, be happy, but he couldn't think of any way. He couldn't tell Dean, he needed Dean to have some hope, even though he didn't. 

When Cas did sleep he dreamed. He dreamed of sunny Thursdays and bright lights and lush green fields. There were children playing in the distance and some classic car driving by. That didn't matter, he was lying back in the grass, strong and healthy once more, looking up at the birds flying overhead. 

When he grew too weak to hold Dean’s hand, Dean just clutched his pale knuckles tighter. When it hurt to breathe, his heart beating too fast, Dean climbed into his bed behind him, held him up so that his air ducts were opened easier. When Cas knew that the end was near, he shivered and sobbed against Dean’s chest and the hunter wrapped his arms around him as tightly as he dared. 

“Cas,” Dean kissed the back of his neck, petting the skin of his hands, “Don’t leave me, man, okay? Promise me you’re not going to leave me.”

“I can’t.” Cas whispered, his words stuck in his throat. “I can’t stay, Dean. I want to, but I can’t.”

Cas thought long and hard, trying to find the right words. He didn't want to say them, he wanted to hide them away forever, but he had to tell him something. Something before he couldn't say anything. 

“You’re the closest to kin I have, Dean.” he whimpered, laying weak kisses to the hunters knuckles, “And closer still. I have watched the human race since it began and while I have not been allowed to feel since Lucifer fell, I have. The feelings I feel, I have seen them in your race. I think they are love.”

Dean let go of him and he sank. Dean was angry with him, disgusted probably. Cas was a disgusting thing, an angel who had fallen, wings torn from his true flesh. He had betrayed him so many times, he was amazed that the human had allowed him to stay for so long. 

“Why are you telling me this, Cas?” Dean growled but his voice was not strong. It was trembling and weak and there was something heavy trapped inside of it. “Why are you telling me that you love me if you’re going to leave me?”

“I thought you should know.” Cas curled in on himself. He was weak, so weak, and his heart was pumping fast but shallowly. It was hard to breathe. It was hard to feel his extremities. They felt heavy and cold. He leaned against Dean once more and felt what that hard thing in Dean’s throat had been.

Tears.

They dripped through his hospital gown and soaked his shoulder. He had never wanted to make Dean to feel sorrow.

“Don’t cry.” he murmured, “Please.” and the tears were sliding down his face once more, he could hardly eve feel them. He couldn't feel much of anything.

“Why?” Dean kept whispering against his ear. “I found you Cas. I did everything I could. Why do you have to leave me? Why would you love me like this?”

“Dean.”

“Don’t you understand that I can’t lose you? That I love you too much?”

And Cas’s heart stopped. Dean loved him in return. He snuggled against Dean’s chest and smiled, feeling his warmth. He was loved in return. 

He closed his eyes.

When he opened them he was in a green field, the grass soft and warm and cradling him. There were birds above him, singing as they flew. He stretched his back, ready to fly with them, but stopped when he remembered. He had no wings now. That was alright, that was fine. He lay back down and soaked in the warmth. 

Years, decades later, on a Thursday, all of the days had been Thursdays, a shadow fell over Cas’s face as he lay in the sun, his eyes closed as he listened to the birds.

“So you’ve just been lounging around all this time?” 

His eyes darted open at the voice and he smiled as he saw, standing above him, brighter than any Thursday, Dean Winchester. Just as he’d left him. 

Everyone gets their own Heaven, but sometimes, when they’re soul mates, they can share.


End file.
